saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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