I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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