spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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