I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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