toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
