So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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