U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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