Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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