Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
