mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
