She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
