peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
