Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
