Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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