the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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