I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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