I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He shit in the fireplace
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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