Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
