I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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