Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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