she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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