whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
