Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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