My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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