you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
