Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
