Umm I'm too high to move.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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