last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You are the jesus of drinking
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize