So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize