Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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