No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
