I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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