Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
