That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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