I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
