my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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