He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
