He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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