Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
