Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
