We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
