i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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