i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
