You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
