My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
