I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
