I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
