So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
