Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
