Umm I'm too high to move.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
