If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
