My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
