I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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