I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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