I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
