a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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