Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize