so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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