you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Randomize
