She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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