During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
