I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
