last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
