i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
