He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize