I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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